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Fatma Miotti

Dr Seuss was right to self-celebrate: 'There is no one alive who is you-er than you!' (Nov 2022)

Have you ever stopped to wonder why little children love looking at their own reflections in the mirror? They smile and giggle at themselves with giddy self-approval, light-heartedness and love. It’s heart warming.


So what happens as we grow up? Why is it that the majority of us, every time we look in the mirror, are filled with negativity, self criticism and doubt?


“I don’t look good. I’m too fat. I’m too thin. My hair is too curly. My hair is too straight. My skin isn’t clear. My nose is too big. My ears are a funny shape. My eyebrows need shaping. I don’t like the way this dress looks on me. These trousers are too tight. Blah, blah, boring blah…”


Society has conditioned us to focus on all the negatives, to see faults. I’m not a conspiracy theorist but I can only conclude this is because we then become trapped in this iron cage that is Capitalism. We need to pay money into a system that promises to fix all these ‘wrongs’: new clothes, new shoes, expensive shampoos, conditioning hair treatments, beauty appointments, Botox, fillers, cosmetic surgery… the list goes on.


Don’t get me wrong: I’m not against any of the above. I love shopping! I love taking care of myself and having nice things. That’s not the problem. The issue is the manipulative way the media encourages us to self-loathe in order to boost the economy. It’s infuriating, and totally detrimental to good health and wellbeing.


So continue to buy what you want and do all of these things if, like me, they bring you joy. Spend time looking after yourself, get your eyebrows done, wear nice clothes, do anything you want… but then love yourself too.


See the good. Focus on the niceties, the positives, the appreciation.


I’m trying to encourage us not to be so quick to criticise all these wonders about ourselves that actually deserve approval, gratitude and love. Why can’t we revert back to that natural state of childhood, built into our DNA, of looking at ourselves with delight, approval, light-hearted silliness, respect and love?


I heard a podcast recently in which Mel Robbins, a brilliant motivational speaker, talked about the importance of how we can find physical habits to cultivate self-love. She advocates looking at ourselves in the mirror every day and high-fiving our reflections. Why? Because a high-five is a universal symbol of approval. She says it is neurologically impossible to high-five yourself and be filled with criticism at the same time. Instead you will be on your own side because of all the associations of this simple gesture. Your brain is so used to releasing dopamine when people high-five you that it will continue to do so when you high five yourself… so, give yourself a dopamine hit!


Those of us in the wellness industry talk endlessly about self love and gratitude, but how do we make this doable? Not by reading lots of motivational quotations online, but, after having listened to this podcast, my thoughts are this: by making these motivational quotations into mantras, speaking them aloud to ourselves in the mirror each day and high-fiving ourselves as we smile at our own reflections.


I’m going to try it. Why don’t you join me for the next week with what Mel Robbins calls ‘The High Five Habit’? I’m going to look at myself in the mirror every morning, smile, see something good, actually see the person that is me, the wonderful human being, recognise her awesomeness, and high-five her. She needs me. So I’m going to show her that I’m here for her, I love her and have always got her back.


A simple, physical gesture, and an easy way to hone gratitude and enjoyment in and of our own skins.


We’ve got one turn each on this rollercoaster that we call life. It’s imperative therefore to love ourselves so that we enjoy the ride!


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